The One with the Car
Cars are insanely expensive in Singapore mostly because the island has enough space for only about 5 people but there’re 4 million of us cramped together, jostling for air. That partly explains why Singaporeans are always so angry and complain so damn much. That freakin’ weather will be the death of me! Hot and humid one minute, wet and rainy the next! And don’t get me started on the damn fee hikes! And all those damn reality shows on TV! Too many of them! Oh wait, those were the Americans’ fault. Anyway, I’m digressing.
So remember Office Creep? Maybe I should provide a little background on him. Apparently, his family’s loaded so he’s loaded by osmosis. There’s no other way to explain how he can afford his own private apartment and change his car 3 times a year on his current pay. I know this because his work buddies seem to love sharing this piece of information with me repeatedly despite me never having requested for it.
Anyway, Office Creep has been trying to get me to watch a movie with him, like on a date thing. A horror movie, no less. What? Was he expecting me to scream OMG SOO SCARRYYY, tremble a little, jump into his lap in fright and possibly have my arms glued around his neck for the rest of the night? I think there’s a higher chance of Tina Fey and me becoming best gal pals with our own secret handshake and all than that happening.
Recently, he wrecked his car of one month and bought a shiny, new one. Last week, he came over to my desk to share the joy.
Office Creep: Hey, I bought a new car! Again!
Me: And you deem this piece of so-called valuable information significant enough to share with me because…?
Office Creep: Huh?
Me: Why are you telling me this?
(Pause)
Office Creep: Hey, I bought a new car! Again!
Me: OMG, deja vu!
Office Creep: It’s a ABC model and I modified it with XYZ and added XXX sound system and other unimportant car parts thingamajits that can do lots of unimportant stuff that’re supposed to impress your panties off!
Me: Yes, but does your car get you from point A to point B?
Office Creep: Huh?
Me: I think my IQ just dropped a few points.
Office Creep: Huh?
Me: Why. Are. You. Telling. Me. This.
(I can totally do the capital letter thingy with my voice)
Office Creep: Oh. Wanna go for a ride?
(Pause)
Me: Look! Superman just flew past!
Office Creep: Huh?
And I made my escape as he was stupid enough to turn towards the window. I think I should rename him to Monkey Brain, Brain-the-Size-of-a-Pea, The Missing Link, God’s-Idea-of-a-Joke or something equally delightful. This conversation also reminded me of that Monty Python sketch, Literary Football Discussion.
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This post made me laugh out loud!!!! Remind me never to get on your bad side ;-)
I can do the capitol letter thingy with my voice too!
This post is AWESOME.
Hey… you never know, maybe one day you will become best gal pals with Tina Fey and have your own secret handshake!!
Ok, if that happens, me and Meleah want in! I know she didn’t come out and say it, but I know she feels that way, just as I do ;-)
Okay, that rules out telling you about my new car then … LOL!
Monkey Brain seems appropriate but then it would do serious injustice to the monkeys!
My dear triplets, of course I ain’t gonna forget you if Tina and I become best buds!
Nick, it’s ok if you tell me about your spanking new car cos’ you’ve got some grey matter up there!
Yeah, Monkey Brain would be an insult to the monkeys among us. If tht Tina Fey thing doesn’t pan out, I’ll be your best gal pal with our own secret handshake.
You know, every time you leave a comment, I’ll look at the time stamp and go “OMG it’s 630am where he is and he’s AWAKE. HORRORS.”.
Oh. My. God.
Wasn’t there some study that came out that said action or horror movies were the best movies for first dates? Something about it raising your heart rate and feeling more excited *wink wink*
Ha! I wake up at 4:30am ’cause that’s just how I roll.
Hey wait. I want an XYZ thing on my ABC car. Damn.
Singapore? But I love the Satay Club and a Singapore Sling! Now if you could just get to that part of town without all those damn zone restrictions for the 600,000 overpriced cars driving around!
Linda, seriously? I’m taking the first normal cute guy I meet to one.
Jason, you’re a freak, really.
VE, there’s always public transport. :D
Very funny post. I enjoyed it a lot. You should consider writing a blog solely on your run-ins with the Office Creep. :)
Hilarious. We man do have a way to shine, don’t we…? ;)
Cheers, Klaus
Klaus’s last blog post..PicLens Fun
If you put it that way…
Singapore is a small country so maybe car is so expensive there.
very nice post. it made me laugh a lot, i almost fell off my seat. now i wont tell you about my new car.
haha this is very funny. love your blog by the way. keep it up :)