Weddings and Ghosts
The beginning of September saw the end of the month of the Hungry Ghost Festival. The Chinese believe that during this period of time, there’s sort of a prison break, or rather a hell break, and all the ghosts are let loose on earth to eat your food, drink your milkshakes and watch your TV. The Chinese generally consider it a Bad Thing to hold a wedding during this time. I guess they’re afraid the ghosts will crash the party and drink all their beer. So when the seventh lunar month ended, the weddings returned with a vengeance and that’s partly what I’ve been busy with.
I’m not the biggest fan of weddings mainly because I hate making small talk with strangers. And then there’s the “OMG you’re still single let me fix you up with my husband’s brother’s cousin-in-law’s daughter’s monkey! He’s still single too! He cooks! He cleans! And he shits rainbows!” No kidding. Maybe you should consider asking him to join the circus.
I was at yet another wedding dinner the other night and was seated next to a nice, friendly guy who was busy trying to save my soul. After the business of introductions (how do you do, I’m Nice Guy and I’m an engineer, so what do you do?) has been concluded, he plunged into soul-saving in earnest.
Nice Guy: So do you believe in Jesus?
Me: Is that the dude who turned water into wine?
Nice Guy: Yes, among other miracles.
Me: He must be pretty popular at parties.
I’ll save you from the details of the rest of the conversation as it’s mostly spreading-the-gospel stuff. We did have an interesting time debating Christian doctrine. Three quarters into the dinner, the wine ran out and we were a little sloshed by then.
Me: Dude, I think it’ll be a good idea for your Jesus friend to crash this dinner now.
Nice Guy: Totally.
Sadly, the answer to that prayer was no. He didn’t turn up and we remained thirsty.
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Lis, when you do find that guy who turns water in wine, send him my way cos I got some bottles of water in the fridge that needs to be something else other than water … :D
And by the way, urrrmmm, who ever found out that these ghosts were hungry in the first place? I’d sure like to know the answer to that one … LOL!
Funny!
I’m a big fan of Jesus, myself. He would be handy to have around.
I’m pretty sure that Jesus is known for having a pretty consistent track record of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If only he’s been in the Bahamas during crucification season.
I didn’t know ghost could get hungry. That’s kind of sad in a tragic sort of way… And where o where are the wedding photos? You’re always quick to include a self-portrait sketch, so I expect a sketch of you and Nice Guy knocking back a bottle of wine. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
That sounds a lot better than any of the conversations I have ever had at weddings. Weddings and funerals…can’t stand either!
i just love the way you describe the seventh lunar month. lucky you to get a nice friendly guy to sit next to. most of the times i get the freaks table…i wonder if that’s saying something about me.
Aha! At last I realise why September was a hellish one at work - clearly all the ghosts headed down to my office and spent all hours infuriating my boss who was only too happy to pass this on to everyone else!
The only way of coping with this was to kidnap Jesus and keep him round mine, tied to the kitchen where I had him converting every damn last thing into wine! That’s why he didn’t show up to the wedding you attended - sorry, but I assure you, I drank for the lord!
Ok I managed to type responses to all the comments but I don’t think they made any sense cos’ I’m kinda sloshed. Let’s try again tomorrow.
Burp.
If your soul gets out once a year to party hard that doesn’t sound like such a bad deal. Why save it if you can get it wasted? Now I kind of regret selling mine.
Oh, I wanted to hear the sloshed responses. ;-)
Michael, I’m sober now but sadly, I can no longer remember what I typed last night!
Greg, I don’t know. I imagine your soul would be pretty bored the rest of the year unless the partying’s even wilder down below or up above…
Geedos, the next time you have him tied to your kitchen, make sure you invite me!
Lillyelf, if it’s any consolation, I get the freaks table most of the time too.
Michael, I prefer funerals actually. At least I can pretend to be overwhelmed by grief so I don’t have to make small talk!
Andrew, oh I don’t know. He wasn’t anything much to look at so I wasn’t really feeling inspired to immortalise him in a Lis stickman original.
Jason, with such a powerful dude as his daddy, you would think he’d at least have a heads up.
Luisa, I would imagine so!
Nick, beats me! My friend and I actually had this discussion the other day about how the Chinese supposedly know to burn stuff and lay out all the munchies for the ghosts. The conclusion was that either the guy who started this practice was really “touched by a ghost” or he’s one enterprising fella.
…and I thought I was the only one who shit rainbows.
Great - I’m going to have to redo my business cards now.
Moooooog35
http://midgetmanofsteel.blogspot.com
Oh that’s just lovely!
I hate weddings for the SAME reasons. The “let me fix you up with this great guy” is so annoying.
But you had me rolling on the floor with “shits rainbows”….
Great post Lis.
Worth waiting a week for!
xxoo
Moooooog35, I didn’t realise there’re so many of you out there. I think all of you should get together and do something. There’s a profitable business idea in there somewhere…
Mel, I don’t think I’ll mind so much if it’s really a great guy but they always turn out to be some kind of weirdo. Blech.
I know. I know.
Where are the REALLY nice / good ones?
Oh thats right married or gay.
i’m a believer :) and you are still so funny.
i like the last bit…when the wine ran out!