Ode to Pens
I have been unfaithful.
I have cast my roving eye on one and lusted after another, all while I was still very much involved in a loving relationship with yet another. That’s right, I’m not a one-pen woman. I’m physically unable to maintain a strictly monogamous relationship with a pen. How can anyone else for that matter? Just imagine, your entire life committed to just one pen.
My love affair with pens began the second someone thrust a pen into my grabby chubby little hand. The long, sleek body that squirt out ink at one end (sometimes both ends if you possess the right pen). It was love at first sight. I remember as a school girl the many pleasurable afternoons spent in a stationery store, caressing shelf after shelf of colourful pens, marvelling at their sultry sleek curves and smooth squirting abilities. It was then that I embarked on the road to being a pen connoisseur, tasting the wondrous and alluring charms of all the pens out there and refusing to settle down with just one.
I’ve often been regaled with tales of how someone had been gifted with such and such a pen upon graduation, how the pen had accompanied him through thick and thin, how it had bore witness to every contract he had signed, whether it had been the million-dollar business contract, or the one that bound his life to another till death do them part, or the one that signed all his future earnings in the name of alimony to the bitch that once promised to stick with him through sickness and in health. This pen had been elevated to the status of The One. The one pen that was superior to the rest. The one pen to rule them all.
These same people have told me that my inability to commit myself to just one pen was simply because I’ve not found that special one that will set my heart all aflutter, you know, The One. Perhaps when I tire of looking at the forest, I might settle down with just that one special tree.
Maybe, just maybe.
Someday I’ll find it,
The inky connection,
The Mont Blancs, the Parkers, and me.
(with apologies to Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher)
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I just misread my own post title as “Ode to Penis”. Yay!
only you can write a post about pens and make it a great read!
i am a fan of the fountain pen. started using them since i was 10 although my dad said i was silly to want to get ink stains on fingers and black smudges in my exercise books.
I never wanted a PEN as badly as I do right now.
I’m a bit of a playboy when it comes to pens, use ‘em once and then forget all about them and pick up another.
Tracy, thanks! I love fountain pens too. My dad gave me one when I was a kid and I remember how I loved to pump the pen full of ink from the ink pot. Oh, and the smell of the ink! Love it!
Mel, yes I’m alive! Trying to play catch up now!
Dan, that’s no way to treat a pen! At least use them twice and act like you’re gonna call…
I remember as a school girl the many pleasurable afternoons spent in a stationery store, caressing shelf after shelf of colourful pens, marvelling at their sultry sleek curves and smooth squirting abilities.
You need help Lis … LOL!
When I was a kid, I used to love those Parker fountain pens. I had about 3 of them at any one time , don’t ask me why. These days I’m into this specific felt tip ones from Japan called Berol. I simply adore them :D
Ok, ok, I need help too!
Nick, what can I say? I love my pens. :D Back in the days of yore when I was still in school, I used to be crazy over the Zig pens from Japan with 2 tips (bullet and fine). I’d haunt book stores for new pen colours. Heh.
i prefer to use a pencil rather than a pen.
Tukang, I guess I prefer ‘em a little more permanent.
I misread the title also. My wife and I delight in stealing that are intended for us to use to sign credit card receipts, etc.
Jason, I usually steer clear from those because they usually have leaky ends!
A pen fettish, whoulda thunk it???
Athough those erasermates in the late 80s were really cool
I too, am a pen whore. Medium point, black ink. If it doesn’t write smooth enough for my delicate hands I bury it deep within the desk drawer, along with other, long forgotten pens. Keep me away from WalMart during school supply season. I’ll hang out in the pen section, lurking, waiting for the perfect specimen. Wow, I’m a pen whore and stalker.
Beth
http://afrogtokiss.net
This is unreal. I heard someone give a speech almost exactly like this about six weeks ago. But her name wasn’t Liz. Coincidence? Probably. But I like this blog, I might come visit again, OK?
a pen has much ink to spread on many pieces of paper…before it will be left behind and be forgotten….
I used to wave my name, using those colourful cross-stitch nylon strings, onto the pen-holder, so that all I have to do is to replace the tube of ink without throwing the whole pen altogether.
Sometimes I would even wave the name of the one person I was then having a crush on for the longest time, and then leave it by his locker as a gift on special occasions. I never knew what happened to those pens I have given him anonymously.
I think I may have found you a potential mate…
http://www.flickr.com/photos/penguy/sets/72157594412840670/
his blog…
http://pen-guy.blogspot.com/
Enforcer, ah yes I remember those but they rarely worked for me! All they were good at were putting big holes in my homework from too much rubbing.
Beth, this is why I test drive all my pens before purchase. No unnecessary making of orphan pens.
Mark, looks like there’re more of us than I thought.
Thai boxing girl, the weaving-name-thingy was pretty popular back when I was in school too.
Jason, I… there’s something mildly disturbing about a man who’s so obsessed with pens.
I have a harem of pencils. Of varying weights and grades. Most of them are never used.
I have a gold Cross pen and pencil set my dear husband gave me when I finished my MLS. I like the pen, but the PENCIL…it’s like an illicit meeting every time I click it’s lead out and start writing…I feel so dirty.
Trust Jason to know a pen pervert to set you up with!
Oh God…there are so many of us!! How could I have thought I was the only one who still write with a fountain pen!! How silly was that!
Mandrill, so they just sit there looking pretty?
Karen, wow I didn’t know there’re so many pencil fetis… uh I mean aficionados out there.
The Writer, I think we’re a dying breed.
I have a serious pen fetish myself: Cross ball-points.
Once I started making my own pens, I’ve been able to be faithful to about a half dozen of my favorites.
Take a look: http://blogthatoutside.com/2007/06/24/using-my-hobby-to-clear-my-head/
I am constantly on the office hunt for new pens when they disappear into the hidden corners or under tables or into colleagues pockets. I never complain. I just search for a new one.
What does the fact that I lose a lot of pens say about my ability to commit?
I always marveled at those folks that spent large amounts on pens; how DO they keep track of them?
Loving the look of the new site.
xxoo
after flirting with a series of expensive pens, i finally settled for short-term love affairs with cheap ball points. blue, for preference.
I don’t know what’s more unbelievable… that you wrote an entire post on pens, or that there were 27 comments about that post when I read it!?!?
Good to see ya back, Lis. Oh, and me and pens don’t get along too well. Probably because I have the world’s worst handwriting…
I have a love-hate relationship with pens. Mine sort of run away when it realized that I love my keyboard more than her.
BTW, you’ve been tagged!
http://evilwoobie.com/2007/12/19/drop-yours-entrecard-meme/
Donovan, wow, you make your own pens? That’s one dedicated pen lover. I’ll check out your post soon!
Book Calendar, my beloved office pens always go missing too. Now I lock up everything nice and tight. Drastic measure but at least my pens are now safe!
Menopauseprincess, good question. I’ll love to know too seeing as I used to lose large numbers of office pens.
Mel, thanks!
Lillyelf, if it works, why not?
Andrew, I’m surprised how many pen fetishists this post lured out of the ink pot!
Woobie, aww thanks I’ll check it out later!
hi! thanks for dropping by my site! i like your writing. though, you do have to admit the whole pen thing is a tad freudian. :) nonetheless, I know what you mean when you say you can’t commit. ;P
at least you’re hooked on something more people relate to — my thing is highlighters. i mix my own colors – you know, put orange refills into yellow highlighters to make them a happy sunny yellow, mix the pink and the peach… you get the picture. i can’t study with the shades they sell in the store. it was a heartbreaking day for me when i found out they’ve pulled all the refills from the market. studying has never been the same…
Dr_clairebear, mixing your own highlighter colours? Man, you’re hardcore!
I love pens!!
I used to work in the restaurant industry and all waitresses and managers are just pen thieves! This was hysterical, I also misread the title and thought, “holy hell… this should be interesting” LOL.