Stop the Bleeding
When I was a kid, I used to do sleepovers at my aunt’s. She has two kids - my boy cousin and my girl cousin. My cousins and I were quite close in age so we were pretty much each other’s play mates when we were little. The girl cousin (to protect her identity, we’ll call her Sue even though her name is Danielle), Sue, is a few days younger than me and the boy cousin (same deal, we’ll call him Tom even though the name’s Edmund), Tom, is one year younger than Sue and me.
Sue and I were at that age where we found boys icky so we never wanted to play with Tom. Plus, he was the world’s biggest crybaby. Those Korean drama producers should hire him to act in their dramas (if you’ve ever watched any Korean dramas, you’ll know everyone cries in the damn shows) since he cried all the freakin’ time. Take away his toy cars? Cry. Feed him juice? Cry. Make him take a shower? Cry. Who the hell wanted to play with a puddle of tears? Certainly not us.
One day, Sue and I were minding our own business and plotting world domination with our Barbie dolls. Tom was probably bored because we didn’t want to play with him so he went to rummage through the bathroom cabinets. He emerged moments later clutching a packet of something. Apparently, he had found my aunt’s stash of sanitary napkins. Obviously at that young age, he had no idea what the hell the napkins were so he took them to my aunt who told him they were used to “stop bleeding” and to “put the damn things back where he found them”. That was that, or so we thought.
Do you see where this is going?
A few weekends later, I was there again for a sleepover. I don’t remember what Sue and I were doing, probably thinking of pranks to play on poor crybaby Tom. We heard a small thud followed by the sound of running feet. After a couple of minutes, we saw Tom running to my aunt with something white stuck to his forehead. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, dear Tom had sustained a tiny cut which had been bleeding, and to “stop the bleeding”, he stuck a sanitary napkin to his forehead with scotch tape. Clearly, he hadn’t discovered the adhesive qualities of the back of the pad. The expression on my aunt’s face when she saw him was as Mastercard put it, priceless. I think she couldn’t decide whether to yell at him or laugh. Of course, Sue and I didn’t realise what’s so funny about the whole damn thing till a few years later when we started to bleed ourselves (TMI! I know!). This is one story that’s definitely getting told when Tom gets married. Heh heh heh.
Have you had similar embarrassing experiences? Perhaps you thought a condom was a balloon and tried to blow one? Or a tampon was used to stop nose bleeds? Share them in the comments? If you’re too embarrassed, you can always use the same old “it happened to my friend” method but we’ll all know it happened to you anyway. Even better, why not post about it in your blog and let me know? If there’re enough stories, I’ll put up a post with links to them and share them with the whole intarweb. I mean, who doesn’t love an embarrassing story, right? Right?
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The problem here, you see, is that this is more an embarrassing story about Tom than it is an embarrassing story about Lis. I think you should lead the pack in posting something self-incriminating. With diagrams, of course.
Damn, you’re sharp.
I am walking proof that repression works.
What embarrassing stories?
hahahahah…poor Tom!
LOL @ Jasons comment.
Hahahaha! That is a great one.
Well if you saw on my blog what my mum got me this year, then you would realise that my family was a dangerous place to grow up in :)
Great one! Poor Tom… are you sure you would be invited for the wedding? :D
Nothing that I can remember… except I always have tampons in my purse in a little pouch, and occasionally, one escapes… my husband found one on the car back seat last week and handed it back to me. He’s a grown-up so that’s okay… same story in high school would have been different! :D
Back in the school, my friends and I used to sneak into the class during recess and scrambled all the girls bags to find who has period and who has not. Yeah, I know. Sick.
Lis, let me check through the 3,234,897 embarrassing moments and I’ll get back to you … LOL!
Jason, I think a hypnosis session might be just the thing to unearth those memories…
Mel, heh, yes, poor Tom. It’s one of those things we’ll never forget. Even better, it’s now immortalised in this post. :D
Claire, OMG I just saw that. I love your mum!
Zhu, well, he has no idea about what his sister and I are up to. Even if I’m not invited, I’m sure his sister will be! I studied in a convent school, so it’s common to find tampons and pads strewn around the classrooms. I think the only folks who were remotely embarrassed were the male teachers but they probably got used to it.
Bluecrystaldude, Eeps! But some girls do carry the stuff with them at all times just in case. You guys would have thought she’s bleeding 24/7!
Nick, hehe I figured you’ll have tons to tell. Come on, spill some!
That would’ve been very amusing. Has the poor guy lived it down yet?
Mikster, well, it’s been quite a few years since any of us mentioned it so he probably thought we’ve forgotten all about it. We used to give him packets of wrapped up pads with attached notes like “use in case of bleeding injuries” as gag gifts. We had panty liners for “small cuts” and maxi pads for “nasty gashes”. Those were the days.
Now if only we had photographic evidence of the incident…
now where are the embarrassing LIS stories?
My wife used to tell our youngest son that the feminine napkins were band-aids. Whenever her monthly time started unexpectedly and he noticed (wet jeans), he would ask her if she needed a band-aid. That kind of stuff is just crazy.
You can have the mum for a small fee :)
There may be more ‘willy’ adventures coming soon…..
Mel, I’m PERFECTION. I have no embarrassing stories. :P
RT, I guess sometimes it isn’t easy to explain to young children what they’re used for.
Claire, ooh I love the willy stuff. I hope there’ll be more videos of his uhm, shenanigans.
hilarious! a pad as a band aid!!
i have no idea, btw, how i discovered beckham. but, y’know the movie “bend it like beckham”…had no idea what a beckham was and the movie title…it made absolutely no sense to me. now it does! wow…super deep aha moment, there…kidding.
have an awesome day!
But I remember the girl talking about Beckham in the movie. There was even a poster of him on her wall!
Oh man…before I started my period I wanted to “practice” wearing a pad, so I used one of my moms for a day. I was totally clueless how to get rid of it, so I flushed it.
That night I got into trouble from MY DAD for stopping up the toilet. How embarrassing.
Reminded me of the time when one of the girls flushed a pad down the toilet at our piano teacher’s house. Her husband stuck his hand inside to remove the pad. We never found out who did it though…
Lol! What a moment.
I can’t really think of something, so I’ll just throw out something that my mom told me.
I don’t remember it (thankfully) but apparently when I was really little I walked in on my parents having sex. I didn’t know what they where doing so I climbed on my dad’s back and was bouncing around like I was riding a horse.
Of course they were embarrassed when they noticed me but thankfully I was so young that it hasn’t scarred me.
At least you don’t remember! I walked in once on my parents when I was about 4 or 5. I had a nightmare and went to their room. Naturally, I didn’t know what they were doing at that time.
I think I’m scarred for life.
That’s priceless. Remember those crochet toilet paper covers people made in the 70s? Does convincing your brother that its a hat count? lol
That depends. Did he get lots of “cool hat!” comments or old ladies sniggering at him?