Telemarketers is Love
I love telemarketers.
No, seriously, I do. Picture this. It’s a slow day at the office and you’re bored out of your freakin’ mind. You’ve just seen an episode of The Office last night and you’re dying to try one of Jim’s pranks. You eye the colleague sitting next to you, you know, the one with the annoying laugh and even worse taste in music. You contemplate playing the prank on her but you’re afraid she’ll get mad and make good on her threat to report you to HR or worse, replace the Star Wars collectibles on your cubicle wall with pictures of David Hasselhoff. You’ll end up eating lunch alone for months, if not years.
It’s a tough decision but you decide to stay bored instead. As you make your 2893728th paper aeroplane, your phone rings. It’s a telemarketer. Your eyes light up. You haven’t had one of those for lunch for quite a while. You’re hungry. The telemarketer’s some guy from a fitness centre. As per Telemarketing 101, he sounds incredibly perky.
Fitness Centre Guy: Hi! I’m calling from xxx fitness centre! We’re having a promotion with abc bank, efg bank and xyz bank! You’re invited to enjoy a free session with a personal trainer blahblahboringshitblahblah! When would you like to come pick up your membership card?
Me: How did you get my number?
FCG: My marketing department gave me a list of numbers blahblahboringexplanationblahblah!
Me: I don’t want it.
FCG: Sorry?
Me: I’m not interested.
FCG: Aren’t you concerned about your health and fitness? It’s a good chance for you to … blahblahzzzzblahblah!
Me: Not really. I plan to be dead by 35.
FCG: …
Me: *hangs up*
Stick Chick 1: Telemarketer 0
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That’s funny stuff!
Donovan’s last blog post..GameStop Mii Sweepstakes
Heh. I love telemarketers.
!!!
You handled that quite well! For some reason, some telemarketers call me when it’s lunch time. Like they want to make sure we’re all there at home right? funny!
evilwoobie’s last blog post..By: woobie
They call you at home? My home number’s unlisted. I get them on my mobile.
Nice. Dead by 35. My last one wanted to sell me a free trip to Orlando for nothing but listening to some presentation once I got there. I told her I lived in South Texas and would sooner stab myself in the eyeball with an icepick than go to Florida, the cesspit of the nation. She hung up on me.
Karen’s last blog post..One of the Don’t Care People
Oh, I always get those. Listen to a 2 hour presentation and you get a free trip or some shitty timeshare package. Spare me.
You should’ve asked him how much. Then when he says, “It’s totally free,” you say, “No. No. How much is the personal trainer after the free session? Because I’m charging you $75 an hour to waste my time on this unsolicited phone call.”
Andrew’s last blog post..Random Thoughts for the Day
Haha! I’ll use that on the next unfortunate soul who tries to sell me something.
LOL Andrew that’s a good one.
You should have went on after how did you get this number because I just started working here.
Honestly, I have no patience for them. I will put them on hold here at the hospital and see how long they last.
Although with me working here I’m sure I could’ve come up with something smart to say to him too.
Usually when I’m busy, I’ll just hang up on them. But when I’m bored, I’ll play along. ;)
Telemarketers are at least humans on the other end of the phone… At work we are getting more and more of those freak-ass recorded messages that go on and on and on… Every time line 4 or 5 rings, you know it is one of them. No fun, no chance for witty rejoinders or messing with Fitness Guy’s head. Dern.
Elle’s last blog post..336 In Dog Years
I’m lucky we don’t have any of those robots here… yet.
Awesome.
I got a call from someone looking for donations for some police department thing…meanwhile I’m thinking, “what the heck and I paying taxes for, if they’re just going to call me and ask for more as a “donation”"???
Erica’s last blog post..A Curious Sign?
That’s odd. I don’t think it’s even legal for our police to solicit donations.
I usually get calls in Chinese since the phone is under M. Zhu’s name. I have a lot of fun practicing with them :lol:
Zhu’s last blog post..The Amazing Race
There’s a period of time I was getting a lot of calls in Mandarin but they always called at the worst possible time so I told them I didn’t understand Mandarin.
I love to say stuff like that to telemarkers.
Selene’s last blog post..Why Going Outside Your Comfort Zone Is Worthwhile
Heh yeah it’s fun. You should post about them!
I love you! (said slightly drunk chick) ….this was hysterical…
meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..Yeah.Um.Why?
Mmm drunk comments.
The only place I get a chance to even get a call from them is at work since I switched away from a land line a couple of years ago.
mikster’s last blog post..International Relations Probably Isn’t My Forte
They never call me on my home land line since it’s unlisted. I get them on my mobile. Either my telco or bank is selling information.
I usually just hang them up. But your way are much much cooler. Definitely worth trying.
bluecrystaldude’s last blog post..Video Premiers !
They’re annoying when you’re busy but entertaining when you’re bored. ;)
I’m in intrigued by the colleague sitting next to you. I tend to think that pictures of David Hasselhoff would go very nicely with your Star War Collectibles. Throw in a framed picture of Tom Jones (autographed, of course) and you’ll have the coolest cubicle in school.
RollerKaty’s last blog post..Go! Juno!
Yeah… maybe cool 20 years ago? I don’t think I’ll risk it.
Here’s where you missed the opportunity. Instead of declaring your impending death (by natural, heroic or humorous means) instead transfer the telemarketer to your annoying coworker.
Then when ever you have the chance to send away for a free absurd catalog, fill out the card with the coworker’s name and address. Before you know it they are getting free samples of Minoxidil and calls about a Craftmatic bed or power chair (free if the company preaaprives them but medicare later declines it)
Cromely’s last blog post..Panic at the Fed
That’ll work if they called my office line but not my mobile! I don’t think the companies here are big on sending free samples. Pity.
That was hilarious!
He was totally stunned by that “dead by 35″ line. Totally unexpected, no quick come back.
He couldn’t think of anything more to say, so you just hung up. Nice !!!
shanti’s last blog post..The death of a star
I guess people usually just tell him to stuff it or hang up.
Good one! Thanks for sharing. :)
I love it when our toddlers pick up the phone when they ring us. For instance:
Our Toddler : Hello its {…}
Salesperson : …….
Our Toddler : Do you know what I did today?
Salesperson : …….
Our Toddler : No, now I’m talking to you
(he/shes probably asking for us)
Our Toddler : Hello? Hello? They hung up!
Oyvind’s last blog post..Do Follow?
Is your toddler for rent?
lol Lis good idea. :) Though I doubt the house’s boss would allow that - she would send me an evil look just mentioning it. :D
“Rent a toddler’s wit and voice”.
Btw cool plugin you have, CommentLuv!
Oyvind’s last blog post..Do Follow?
Yeah, I love the plugin. It’s really cool. :)
I love telemarketeers, I’d let them give me the whole 20 minute sales pitch of why I need to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or something and act real interested that they think they’ve got the sale in the bag and when they pop the question:
So, can I sign you up now?
I’ll just say no, not interested and hang up!
Evil, that’s what I am! Muahahahaha …
Nick Phillips’s last blog post..Restaurants, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly …
You sound like one of those who’ll actually go to their office, listen to their 2-hour presentations and then tell them to stuff it.
Evil.
Telemarketer: I’m calling on behalf of (fill-in company name) and I’d like to tell you about our great new deal.
Me: Give me your home number and then I’ll call you back at a really bad time.
StanHayes’s last blog post..Fantasy Baseball Team Names
That’s a good one!
that’s funny. hahahaha
found you from entrecard.
Jamie’s last blog post..Because I have a mild headache, here’s a shorty for you.
Thanks and welcome. :)
I have no idea how I could miss this post before. Quite funny Lis. ;)
Michael White’s last blog post..The Daily Read - 01/27/2008
Thanks Michael, your post’s even better! I’ll have to use that 1-800 trick some time. ;)
You mean now that you know what it means, right? ;) Shame on you for going there! Shame! ;)
Michael White’s last blog post..The Daily Read - 01/29/2008
Lis - How hilarious! I saw one some time ago that I think you would enjoy. In it’s original format, you actually got to see the recipient of the telemarketer call as he deals with the telemarketer. I searched for it and it’s now in ‘print-format’ - here’s the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmLMcQ09BHc&feature=related
enjoy.
MorganLighter’s last blog post..California Farmers Want to Sell Water
Morgan, that’s brilliant!
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That is a funny post. Often times I will placate them long enough that they start their sales pitch. After that I put the phone down and then allow the timer on the phone to record how long they talk to nobody.